The Lord is Near

The leaves in Texas are finally changing colors — rapidly, too. I’ve never been big into fall. I’m more of spring girl. However, as I observe the trees and the way the sunlight hits their leaves, I understand all the hullabaloo about fall. It truly is beautiful.

I wrote that paragraph nearly a month ago, and the Winter Solstice has since occurred. Many trees that glowed with autumnal glory are stripped bare, and I am left with the sky to gaze upon.

I don’t live near any mountains. I’m miles away from the coast. It’s taken me years to appreciate the beauty around me. For most of my life I believed Texas was a flat and ugly wasteland. I felt so very misfortunate to have grown up here. But now, seeing that I’ll be here for the indefinite future, I’m choosing to see the beauty around me. I may not have mountains or hills to gaze upon; I may not have a roaring ocean to listen to or sand to stick my toes in, but I have trees and the sky and sunshine and clouds and the changing of the seasons.

Even grass, I’ve found, is particularly charming in the morning light. And of course, the blue, blue autumn sky has been my reason for marvel more than once.

My life is quite mundane right now. I work about three different jobs even though I’d prefer to have only one. The days feel quite the same. I long for adventure at times. Other days I want a simple life and the stability of a full time job.

Most of all, I feel a bit stuck. I can’t move away because I don’t have the financial means. While I could apply for jobs in different cities in hopes of getting something, I questions whether I really want that. Move my life again and start over with building relationships/connections/friendships?

Hmm.

Plus, my family is here. Do I really want to live miles and miles away from them? Again?

Not sure. But probably not.

As much as I would like to leave my suburban hometown just northwest of Dallas, that will have to wait until I get a full-time job, a car of my own, and the means to pay for my own rent and food!

I trust it will happen in time, and I’m feeling hopeful about the future. But it’s hard to be patient. It’s hard to be present right where I am, feeling guilty for wanting my situation to be different because I know I’ll probably miss it when it’s gone.

Ah, young twenties. Ah, post-grad. Ah, 23.

It’s been harder than I thought it would be. But the Lord is gracious. He reveals Himself to me through His Word. He reminds me that He will provide. He reassures me that He gives good gifts, and that the friendships I so long to develop and strengthen will come with time.

He is teaching me, yet again, to lean on Him in all things.

Life has been a bit disappointing lately. It’s so easy to question what God is up to, but I’m learning that simply knowing Jesus and spending time with Him is sufficient. I trust the job will come along. I trust deep and lasting friendships will come along. I trust life will move forward from this stagnant pond I’ve been standing in. But He needs to be first.

I’ve been comforted by a song lately. I first heard it in church and thought it was cliche. A bit overdone and therefore lacking meaning. Then we got to the bridge and I started tearing up. How wrong I was! The Holy Spirit has been ministering to me through the lyrics of this melody. The song is “Good Plans” by Red Rocks Worship. If you can’t tell by the title, the song is about how God has good plans for His children — or rather, for His sheep, since the song pulls lyrics from Psalm 23.

When I begin to doubt these good plans, I take a walk and listen to this song. That, or Benjamin William Hastings & JUDAH’s “Feels Like A Blessing” — a song that reminds me that God’s blessings are all around me, even — no, especially in life’s waiting seasons. Those songs paired with the blinding morning sun and a chill in the air fill me with something hard to describe. As I walk around my neighborhood, admiring the trees and grass and sky through my blurred vision, all of my dissatisfaction melts away, and I’m left with a peace that transcends all understanding. The Lord is near.

Despite these delightful morning walks, I’m still wrestling with discontentment. Despite all my needs being met and much much more, I still find myself feeling restless. Some days are better than others, of course, so as of late, I’ve been reflecting on Psalm 37:4, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

May our greatest delight be in Jesus alone. May our hearts find all joy, rest, and fulfillment in Him.

May God be glorified.