Since February 8, I have resided in Sacramento, CA. I’m taking care of the house and Airbnb of some dear family friends, and I leave in a few days. A month and a half gone by, and, as always, I’ve had my fair share of musings given my abundance of solitude and free time.
So, I’ve collected some of these thoughts and have pared them down into bite-size, digestible chunks. I hope you enjoy.
You can get used to anything. At first, I walked along streets named after numbers and letters feeling like a foreigner, a transplant, a complete outsider. Now, I can hardly get myself to walk along these same paths because I find the routes monotonous, boring, and overdone.
Don’t blink. I arrived in Sacramento in the middle of winter, and as I write this, it is the first day of spring. The tree in the backyard went from bare branches to little white buds. And now? Its leaves are small with a yellowy-green hue that is so typical of early spring. I am in constant awe of this tree’s beauty, but I am even more struck by how fleeting each season is.
But that’s not fair! Life’s not fair! My life has been relatively easy. I’ve lacked nothing in terms of food, shelter, clothing, and affection. Now, as I sit each morning on the front porch, basking in the morning sun, savoring a large, wholesome meal, I can’t help but think of all the people who don’t have it this good, this easy. I am left wondering, why me? Why do I get to enjoy the comforts and luxuries of a beautiful home when others are sleeping on the streets? Why do I get to take hot showers, sit on cushy couches, and embrace the warmth of a fireplace? Through the work of others, yes. God’s abundant provision, surely. But as I relish in all these nice things, I can’t help but think of those less fortunate. As I bathe in the afternoon sun, others yawn from long hours and little sleep. As I cook food in a beautiful kitchen, others rummage through garbage cans looking for morsels. As I contemplate what I want to do with my future, others simply try to make it through the day. In all of this, I’ve come to realize that, more often than not, each of us is undeserving. I have done nothing to earn my life of relative ease, comfort, and abundance. Those marginalized and living in poverty have done nothing to earn their unfortunate circumstances (Matthew 5:44-45). Upon this realization, I feel an itch to do something, but I have also had to make peace with my own privilege through simply saying thank you. Limited in my time and abilities, my resources and reach, the first response ought to be gratitude. Thanking God for His unmerited favor towards me is the first step, even as I continue to wrestle with justice and fairness.
“For the Present is the point at which time touches eternity.” –C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters. My mind jumps to the future no matter where I am in life. It seems I’m always looking forward to the next thing, even when I like where I’m at. I ask the Holy Spirit almost daily to not let me fall prey to the enemy’s schemes and to help me simply be present.
Jesus, be my everything. Jesus is my portion. Not a job, not a career, not a husband, not a city, not a perfect living arrangement, not a community, not travel. Nothing and no one will satisfy me like He will. AND YET! I so often — probably every day — find my mind grasping, clutching, reaching for one of the aforementioned, as if it will bring me perfect fulfillment, peace, harmony, satisfaction. I am being reminded daily that He is enough, no matter my circumstances.
“You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in You.” –St. Augustine, The Confessions. There are times when no music, no podcast, and no phone call will scratch the itch, the restlessness. Only silence and the comfort of His presence. God is walking beside me each day. He is leading me in the everlasting way (Psalm 139:23-24). Even when He doesn’t cross my mind, He is there, holding my hand (Psalm 73:23, Isaiah 41:10).
Humbled, again. I’m reading through the Bible in year from cover to cover with my church, Watermark Community Church. It’s been 10 years since I’ve read the Bible all the way through, so I was excited to do so once again. It has been a fruitful experience. When I initially read through the first seven or so books of the Old Testament, I found myself quite frustrated with the Israelites. Why couldn’t they just obey God? Why were they so stubborn? So disobedient? As I matured in my faith, the Holy Spirit revealed to me that the Israelites and myself are one and the same — very, very humbling. So it is this time around as I read through stories of slavery and salvation, grumbling and grace, rebellion and rescue.
“Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” –Psalm 37:4. One thing (among many) God has been teaching me since graduating college is that He has good plans for my life, even if they look nothing like what I envision. As much as I anticipate the unfolding of these good plans, as much as I wonder what good gifts the Father has in store, my dear friend Clare and a Sunday sermon at Watermark reminded me to embrace the Giver more than the gift. On countless occasions I’ve been more excited at the thought of fulfilled dreams than I have over simply being a beloved child of God. More and more, I can see God slowly realigning my desires so that they are for Him more than anything He could give me — an answered prayer (Psalm 37:4)!
If you’ve made it this far, I thank you. My time in Sacramento has been lovely, and I cannot believe it will soon be over. Mingled with restful days and a slow pace of living have been other-worldly adventures and exciting expeditions. I’ll attach some photos for your viewing pleasure! (I apologize that some are a bit lower quality thanks to my dwindling storage space.)
Pursuing Peace 