Thursday, February 4, 2021 I walked out of therapy and into my car, played the song “Highlands” by Hillsong and felt a lump form in my throat. Tears struggled their way out of my eyes as I drove home. The Holy Spirit was moving.
I can’t quite describe those moments of release, but they usually happen when God’s Truth sinks in for the first time — when the phrases I’ve heard thrown around my whole life become more than words spoken by friends and pastors, but a reality so beautiful that I can’t help but tear up at God’s goodness.
That’s what happened to me. My therapy session that Thursday revealed to me that my trust in God has been slowly waning to the point where I was putting more hope in my financial position than in Jesus.
This idolization of financial security resulted in me being in a constant state of worry and discontentment. If I didn’t have “enough” money, all my peace was gone.
My therapy session paired with the beautiful lyrics in “Highlands” brought me to my knees on that car ride home and reminded me that Christ is enough. He sustains me; He is my reward; He is my everything.
There were two lines in “Highlands” that really drove home the point that Christ is enough: “You’re the summit where my feet are” and “You’re the heaven where my heart is.”
No matter where I am physically, mentally, emotionally, if I’m walking and abiding with Jesus, there is joy, peace, and contentment.
These two lines reminded me that before this moment, I was believing the lie that I would find contentment in financial security and that I would only experience true satisfaction when I became financially stable and independent.
But I wouldn’t say it was the realization of my own shortcomings that brought forth tears, it was in realizing how good God is despite my moments of doubt and unfaithfulness.
During that session and on my car ride home, Jesus cast out the lies I had been believing and opened my eyes to see and understand that once again, He truly knows what I need and He will always provide that. It may not always be what I want it to be (in this case, financial stability), but when this happens, I can trust that God is providing for me in other ways.
Though I longed for more money, God provided something far more valuable: His presence. My incessant longing for financial security never brought me to a place of peace. The number in my bank account was never high enough, and even spending money on small items sent me into a spiral of obsessive thoughts.
Through all of this, God has taught me that His provision is not limited to financial gifts and material blessings. How small would our God be if that was all He could give us. God’s provision can also result in a deeper connection and growing relationship with our Savior, which is exactly what I have been blessed with through this rocky period.
God is teaching me to depend on him for everything and that Christ truly is enough, even when financial hardships and uncertainties arise.
I say all this because I want to challenge you to ask yourself, is Jesus enough for me? Kind of a vague question, I know. I guess what I’m getting at is, are you satisfied in Christ or are you longing for something else? Your answer may surprise you.
In my head I proclaimed to believe that Christ was enough and that I was fully content in Him, but in my heart I was depending on the number in my bank account and relying on future Megan to make a comfortable amount of money.
My trust in God was conditional. I only found Him to be trustworthy if my physical needs and desires were met. How self-centered and silly of me to let my perception of God change based on His tangible provision.
February 4th, 2021 revealed to me how mistaken I was in this thinking. God does not change based on my circumstances or feelings. It’s the very opposite: as much as my circumstances and feelings change, God always remains steady.
I’ve discovered recently that it’s simple truths like this — ones I’ve heard since I was a tween — that I have the most trouble believing. Though I’ve heard sermons and chapel messages about God’s steadfast love and unchanging character on numerous occasions, only until recently do I find myself fully resting in this truth, content in knowing that I can count on God no matter what.
He is a good Father. He “knows what you need before you ask him” (Matthew 6:8). Trust, rest, and rejoice in this abundant and reassuring truth.
Friends, I leave you with these questions: Is Christ enough for you? Do you fully trust God to provide? Do you trust that He knows your needs better than yours? Is Jesus your deepest desire?
I hope you wrestle with these questions this week and that you find rest in God’s abundant provision, love and grace. I recommend listening to “Highlands” by Hillsong and meditating on Matthew 6:19-24.
Next week I’ll be discussing quiet times, reading the Bible, prayer, and journaling, why they are important, and how I go about my time with Jesus. Hope to see you there. Thank you for reading.
Grace and peace,
Megan
Pursuing Peace 